InfoWorld: Apple gets suite, AIP admits defeat

======================================================================== ROBERT X. CRINGELY http://www.infoworld.com ======================================================================== Monday, January 24, 2005 ORACLE BEGINS BLOODBATH, G-MEN CHOOSE NEW PATH By Robert X. Cringely(R) Posted January 21, 2005 3:00 PM Pacific Time Spent the last week sick as a proverbial dog. A nasty cold snap, combined with too much schmoozing and boozing, has put my heinie in a sling. So I've been home, nursing my few remaining brain cells back to health and perusing my favorite news sites. It's been an interesting few days. ADVERTISEMENT -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- MARKET UPDATE: SLM/BSM TECHNOLOGIES: An ANALYST ARTICLE Find out why "Forrester believes that BMC Software currently has the strongest overall strategy of the ?Big Four? in the overall infrastructure management space." (Market Update: SLM/BSM Technologies, Forrester Research, Inc., November 2004.) Learn this and more when you download your complimentary analyst article from BMC Software. http://newsletter.infoworld.com/t?ctl=B277AE:353CA35 -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- Taking the "People" Out of P***Soft: It seems TCFKAPS (The Company Formerly Known as PeopleSoft) will suffer most of the 5,000 jobs cut by Oracle last week. According to the San Jose Merc, decommissioned employees must call Oracle's HR center and make appointments to retrieve personal belongings from their cubicles. I hear that rank-and-file PSers will receive three months' severance pay and a personally autographed copy of Man Trouble by Melanie Craft (aka Bride of Ellison). Mission Implausible: The FBI has quietly shelved its Virtual Case File project after burning through $170 million in taxpayer money. The project was supposed to allow agents to share information using something other than carrier pigeons and disappearing ink, but the Feds apparently dropped the project when they discovered they could get more powerful software by scouring the discount bins at CompUSA. The agency hasn't been this embarrassed since J. Edgar Hoover tripped over a flak jacket and snagged his pantyhose. Patent Medicines: Readers continue to share tales of the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office's generosity to fledgling inventors. Dubious patent holders include a unique method for using a child's swing (side to side, instead of to and fro), an animal toy (otherwise known as a stick), and a toy missile powered by human gases (don't ask). Also on the list: An automated device for kicking the user's buttocks. I don't dare let my editor see that one; he's already got my keister in his crosshairs. Hopeless Romaniacs: According to a report in The Register, a Romanian couple who dated online for three months before marrying have named their first child Yahoo, after the search site that brought them together. Good thing they didn't meet on Dogpile.com. Got hot tips or flu cures? Share them with cringe@infoworld.com, and you may take home a bag to pack your troubles away. Send tips to cringe@infoworld.com. ======================================================================== Because you can't have too much decision support You choose the platforms, the languages, the developers. And everything -- the whole IT infrastructure, the success of the enterprise - flows from there. With that much on the line, you can't have too much of the good advice you'll get in the Strategic Developer newsletter, by InfoWorld Test Center lead analyst Jon Udell. Delivered every Thursday. Subscribe at http://newsletter.infoworld.com/t?ctl=B277AA:353CA35 ADVERTISE ======================================================================== For information on advertising, contact Elisabeth_raphel@infoworld.com. UNSUBSCRIBE/MANAGE NEWSLETTERS ======================================================================== To subscribe, unsubscribe or change your e-mail address for any of InfoWorld's e-mail newsletters, go to: http://newsletter.infoworld.com/t?ctl=B277AB:353CA35 To subscribe to InfoWorld.com, or InfoWorld Print, or both, or to renew or correct a problem with any InfoWorld subscription, go to http://newsletter.infoworld.com/t?ctl=B277AD:353CA35 To view InfoWorld's privacy policy, visit: http://newsletter.infoworld.com/t?ctl=B277AC:353CA35 Copyright (C) 2005 InfoWorld Media Group, 501 Second St., San Francisco, CA 94107 This message was sent to: GDEWILDE@GMAIL.COM